"I'm not dead"

Created by: Team Bindlestiff
Placed by: FungusWoman & Papillion
Location: Lisbon, Kendall Cty, IL
This box is part of the Great Lakes LB Group’s 2005 Exchange –
Monty Python’s The Holy Grail.

Before beginning your quest for this box and the Grail please visit the Holy Grail main page (high speed) (dial-up) and read about the specifics of the series and about its special


It was a day just like any other day in our plague-ridden village. Sounds of strange medieval music, discordant and sparse. Wailings and groanings. Creaking noises. A huge pile of bodies on a swaying cart pulled by a couple of ragged, dirty, emaciated wretches. Behind the cart walked a sinister looking man wearing a black hood. “Bring out your dead!” he shouted. A few starved mongrels ran about in the mud scavenging. The cart passed round a dead donkey or cow in the mud. “Bring out your dead!” There are legs sticking out of windows and doors. Two men fought in the mud - covered from head to foot in it while another on his hands in knees shoveled mud into his mouth. “Bring out your dead!” Suddenly I tripped and fell into a well.

I am stunned, but the next thing I heard was a man announcing “Here's one!” to which the cart driver answered “Ninepence”. I suddenly realized they were talking about me!

“I’M NOT DEAD!!” I cried out.

“What?” “Nothing... There's your ninepence.” “I'm not dead!” “'Ere. He says he's not dead.” “Yes he is.” “I'm not!” “He isn't.” “He will be soon. He's very ill.” “I'm getting better!” “You're not. You'll be stone dead in a few minutes.” “I can't take him like this. It's against regulations.” “I don't want to go on the cart.” “Don't be such a baby.” “I can't take him.” “I feel fine.” “Do me a favour.” “I can't.” “Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long.” “I promised I'd be at the Robinson's. They've lost nine today.” “When's your next round?” “Thursday.” “I think I'll go for a walk.” “You're not fooling anyone you know. Isn't there anything you could do?” I even tried singing… “I feel happy... I feel happy.” I should have seen it coming. The cart driver very swiftly brought up a club and hit me on the head.

Next thing I know, I woke up in the cart, surrounded by bodies. The landscape looked odd. It didn’t look like England. Strange. The roads are named not with words, but with numbers. “52”? What an odd name for a road. Perhaps we are in Spain? Yes, that must be it, for the sign ahead said “Lisbon Cemetary.” Cemetary? (Hmmm. Must be the Spanish spelling, but that’s what the sign says.)


While the cart driver argued with his helpers, I rolled off the side of the cart and hobbled into the woods. I found a cluster of large trees with a strange looking stone at their base. It doesn’t look real, this stone. It looks like a lot of tiny pebbles somehow magically joined together. Strange place, this Spanish cemetery! I safely hid here though and avoided the fate of the others on the cart.

Their business done, the cart has long disappeared. I, however, am now stranded.


Will someone please come rescue me? I am still hiding in the woods, beneath the strange stone slab. There are many tombstones here. The nearest I can see says “Bushnell Clark”. I am very lonely here, and I fear if someone does not find me by next Thursday, I will indeed be part of next Thursday’s load…………..

Text adapted from the official 'unoffical' Monty Python And The Holy Grail screenplay as it was on March 20 1974, before filming took place. The file was found at:

This box was carved by BindleBabe and adopted by FungusWoman, (the late) Boxer(-in-TRAINing), and Papillon, and was placed on May 28, 2006.

Before you set out read the waiver of responsibility and disclaimer.

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